When your baby hands you a leaf with a smile.
When your baby throws her arms up and screams from the back seat like she’s on a roller coster.
When your baby puts her toys in the tub to tell you she wants to take a bath.
When your baby squeals with laughter.
When your baby dances to any kind of music; even commercials.
When your baby learns to talk on the phone.
When your baby talks nonstop.
When your baby cuddles with you.
When your baby learns eyes ears nose mouth.
When your baby does Buddha belly
When your baby tries to open the door with your keys.
When your baby bringa you a book to read.
When your baby is proud that she put something away.
When your baby steals your heart and runs away with it.

So we head up the hill to grammy’s. Mommy and daddy in the front, baby in the back. She has her sippy cup and snacks. She should be good to go, right?
No. This child sits from the back seat talking shit to me the whole time. I have no idea what she’s saying. She has no idea what she’s say, but she sure as hell as no problem saying it.
A short little chubby has the potential to make you crazy. On the verge of ripping your hair out.
So what do I do? Start arguing back with her. Didn’t take daddy long until he made us pull over the car and work it out.

Yummy!

I used to take pride in how well i could write and describe my world. Now i sit here second guessing myself. Expressing myself feels wrong and almost unreal.

I feel like I’m watching my life from the outside. Like I am a mere shell that is passing in the wind. Its too hard to understand, to cope; I’d rather be in denial.

For the past four days I have pretended we have never met. I have pretending we never stayed on the phone until the other fell asleep. That we never had to perfect clasp when we held hands. That we never felt security, and genuine concern. But most of all, I have pretended we never fell in love; I just have to believe I never knew you.

You were so amazing. Your touch was so warm. Your voice was so deep and comforting. The way we held each other every night. The way you dried my tears so many times. The way you loved me more than air itself.

I fell so in love with you, i could never imagining laughing, touching, connecting, kissing another man. I still cant. 

Why did I fall in love with the idea of someone? Why did I force myself to believe you were better than you were? I would have so much time left, more life lived, more love received. 

The vicious cycle continues because you gave me the most amazing gift, that i could never regret. So could i really regret loving you? I have been going back and forth all night.